Sacred Ceremony To Honor Wild Buffalo

That was the headline in the Island Park News. It seems indian (or native American, if you must) groups will gather May 31 on Horse Butte Peninsula near West Yellowstone to perform the sacred ceremony. The public is invited, although as this is a sacred ceremony, filming and photography are likely to be limited.

But that’s not why I wrote this post. When I read the title to the article, in light of our current political situation, I just had to write a satire. Let me say before I begin that I mean no disrespect to anyone (except politicians,) and that I honor and respect in every way the sacred traditions of the original residents of this great land.

That said, here’s how I would have reported this story:

“Indian tribal leaders announced today that there would be a sacred ceremony to honor wild buffalo near West Yellowstone, Montana on 31 May of this year. Response from the ACLU was swift as they denounced the event as prejudiced and exclusionary. Groups of farm-raised buffalo from across the nation have expressed feelings ranging from concern to outrage that wild buffalo would be honored in this fashion, while their farm-raised counterparts would receive absolutely no mention or credit.

“ACLU attorneys indicated they would be filing a motion to stop the ceremony from occurring unless the rights of farm-raised buffalo were acknowledged and respected. In anticipation of unreasonable, conservative judges in the area denying the motion, thousands of farm-raised buffalo are expected to attend the event in a massive protest designed to disrupt the ceremony. West Yellowstone police have requested help from the Montana National Guard.

“Tribal leaders declined to comment on the suit being brought by farm-raised buffalo, but sources close to the leadership (who are not cleared to talk to the media) indicate that the medicine men who will perform the ceremony will not be intimidated by special-interest groups and will carry out the ceremony as originally planned. President Obama has asked that parties on both sides of the issue seek common ground. But for now there doesn’t seem to really be any, with both sides unwilling to budge on what they see as critical, fundamental issues. You won’t want to miss this one. See you in Montana on the 31st.”